What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

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Darksoprano
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What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

Postby Darksoprano » 08 Jan 2016, 00:11

I think I may come across as a weak person. Maybe I am, since for many months now I've mostly tried to nod politely when colleagues offer advice. The problem is that they often feel demeaning and they are not helpful. I don't want to give more details than this, so, generally, what do you do in situations like this?

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Lambert
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Re: What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

Postby Lambert » 08 Jan 2016, 00:19

I'm not a singer, but I just wanted to say that I have no idea how you singers put up with it.

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Darksoprano
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Re: What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

Postby Darksoprano » 12 Jan 2016, 00:33

Anyone? :(

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Aureliano
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Re: What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

Postby Aureliano » 23 Jan 2016, 16:43

Here is my take. There exists an enormous range of what is considered good singing, good stagecraft, and even would you believe good stage language/diction. I have encountered conductors, directors, colleagues, audition panels, teachers, coaches etc. with such antithetical views to how a singer is supposed to sound or behave on stage that one wonders how these all can co-exist. The truth is, I think, that different approaches to voice attract different audiences, and that is perfectly ok. If something works, it works, and the audiences ultimately are the arbiter of your success. So, there is no definite one way to approach singing in this industry.

Having said all that, yes, people will want to evangelize their own methods, or perhaps just in good faith want to offer advice out of a sense of pride in what they do, or maybe even genuine care for you. What to do?

I would advocate forming your team of advisers, say Team Darksoprano, and very much treating them as your engine for how you cultivate your craft. Your voice teacher, a select coach or two, your manager, your spouse or trusted family member or friend, and yourself - and that's it. Take advice from these people only. In the past when I have been offered "nuggets of wisdom" I normally respond with something like "I will take this advice to my team and see what they say". If probed further, I just explain I have a team backing me which includes manager, teacher and coach; and I place my trust in them for these matters. It is healthy to do so, it really is. Even if your team isn't actually giving you the best advice, what can you do? you can't be out there all on your own (too difficult) and you can't just take on all the advice you are given (suicidal, masochistic); so you must place your trust in your "team" and as and when needed you update or amend your team.

a57se
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Joined: 18 Jan 2016, 21:04

Re: What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

Postby a57se » 26 Jan 2016, 17:06

Excellent advice from Aureliano IF your team actually knows what they are doing.
There is nothing worse for a singer then to have a voice teacher who doesn't really know...
Darksoprano, if you are receiving that much unsolicited advice maybe there are things you need to address.
Is the advice consistent? From my experience people don't say anything if they think you are hopeless, but if they see talent being wasted...

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Darksoprano
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Re: What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

Postby Darksoprano » 31 Jan 2016, 08:16

Aureliano wrote:Here is my take. There exists an enormous range of what is considered good singing, good stagecraft, and even would you believe good stage language/diction. I have encountered conductors, directors, colleagues, audition panels, teachers, coaches etc. with such antithetical views to how a singer is supposed to sound or behave on stage that one wonders how these all can co-exist. The truth is, I think, that different approaches to voice attract different audiences, and that is perfectly ok. If something works, it works, and the audiences ultimately are the arbiter of your success. So, there is no definite one way to approach singing in this industry.

Having said all that, yes, people will want to evangelize their own methods, or perhaps just in good faith want to offer advice out of a sense of pride in what they do, or maybe even genuine care for you. What to do?

I would advocate forming your team of advisers, say Team Darksoprano, and very much treating them as your engine for how you cultivate your craft. Your voice teacher, a select coach or two, your manager, your spouse or trusted family member or friend, and yourself - and that's it. Take advice from these people only. In the past when I have been offered "nuggets of wisdom" I normally respond with something like "I will take this advice to my team and see what they say". If probed further, I just explain I have a team backing me which includes manager, teacher and coach; and I place my trust in them for these matters. It is healthy to do so, it really is. Even if your team isn't actually giving you the best advice, what can you do? you can't be out there all on your own (too difficult) and you can't just take on all the advice you are given (suicidal, masochistic); so you must place your trust in your "team" and as and when needed you update or amend your team.
Thank you!

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Equaleet
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Re: What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

Postby Equaleet » 12 Jul 2017, 20:07

Darksoprano wrote:
08 Jan 2016, 00:11
I think I may come across as a weak person. Maybe I am, since for many months now I've mostly tried to nod politely when colleagues offer advice. The problem is that they often feel demeaning and they are not helpful. I don't want to give more details than this, so, generally, what do you do in situations like this?
Let it slide. If it gets too bad, address it calmly and move on.

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Darksoprano
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Re: What do you do about "helpful" comments from colleagues?

Postby Darksoprano » 16 Jul 2017, 12:39

Equaleet wrote:
12 Jul 2017, 20:07
Darksoprano wrote:
08 Jan 2016, 00:11
I think I may come across as a weak person. Maybe I am, since for many months now I've mostly tried to nod politely when colleagues offer advice. The problem is that they often feel demeaning and they are not helpful. I don't want to give more details than this, so, generally, what do you do in situations like this?
Let it slide. If it gets too bad, address it calmly and move on.
That's really far easier said than done, and often impossible if you have to keep working with people and it persists. Performing comes with enough nerves as it is. Do you perform?


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